I get it. Your kid knows how to push your buttons like no other living creature ever. As much as you love him, he can frustrate and aggravate you beyond what you would have thought possible. It is exactly your love for her that is the reason for your deep reaction. If you didn't care so much, you could be more objective or at least less invested in her current and future behaviors. What do you do when you get frustrated? About 70% of parents report that they have spanked their children and yet research shows consistently that corporal punishment is never in the best interest of the child. Especially if you yell, spank, occasionally spank or think about it, I offer this step:
If you do not know what the best reaction should be for xyz situation, stop and do nothing. You can even say something like,"Little (beast), I love you very much but I do not like what I have just heard (seen) from you just now. I need a few minutes to make a good choice myself on how I'm going to handle the consequences. I will let you know your future shortly." Feel free to modify to suit the age of your little one and of course, your parenting style. This gives you time to calm down and not impulsively act plus it models the self-controlled behavior you would like to see in your little darling. And, a bonus: It may be agonizing for your little one to just imagine what his fate will be.
I will have more to offer specifically about reasons not to spank in a future post.